If you’ve ever read a book, a magazine article, or television show about dating and relationships then there’s a good chance you’ve heard something about the “the chase” thrown in there somewhere.
It’s hard to escape the concept of the chase when it is such an important part of dating and relationships.
At first you might think I’m talking about playing games. But make no mistake, getting a man to chase you isn’t about teasing him and dangling a reward in front of him to get what you want.
Getting a man to chase you simply means letting him do what he is meant to do which is value you and work hard to win your affection. There are no games to play and no manipulation involved. Men hate manipulation but they love the chase.
Well how can that be?
You see, men love a good challenge. Their entire lives center around having goals and achieving them. That’s why you always see men competing with each other, trying to outdo one another, and striving to be, build, or discover the next big thing.
Men can’t help but have that drive to go after what they want and dating is no exception to that rule. They actually love having to do a bit of work to win you over. Otherwise it wouldn’t be as much fun for them.
Sure, you could make things easy and cut out all of the chase, but that’s not what a man ultimately wants. It might seem nice at first but the major drawback is that doing it that way doesn’t make him value you.
He won’t see you as a challenge or someone to respect and cherish if he never has to work to win you over.
The fact of the matter is that we, as human beings, value what we have to work for more than what we don’t or what is simply handed to us.
To illustrate this, allow me to share with you a quick, little story about myself.
When I was younger I really wanted a mountain bike but my parents refused to pay the money for the one I wanted. They told me that I could earn it myself if it was something that I wanted that badly.
And I did.
I went into the store every week just to look at it and imagine having it as my very own.
So I ended up working part time all summer and saved up for it. By the end of the summer I had enough to buy the bike and a helmet and I managed to get it all on my own.
You better believe I took good care of that bike. I never left it out to rust in the rain or leave it in places where it could get stolen.
I valued that bike because I had to work for it myself.
A man who wants to date you feels that same drive and need to work hard to win you over. When you deny him that chance by doing all of the work up front for him, he doesn’t place that high value on you any more.
So the question is how do you get a man to value you and chase you without playing games or using manipulation?
The answer is surprisingly simple.
Don’t ever make a man your #1 priority.
This may sound selfish but what I really mean by that is you cannot make a man the focus of your life and give up everything else you have going on in order to accommodate him.
When you start giving up your life, your friends, your plans, and moving your schedule around, a man doesn’t learn to value you or your time. He sees you as available all the time and ends up doing what he pleases.
He might not mean to take advantage like that but you have allowed him to get away with bad behavior because you are so focused on pleasing him and keeping him hooked. You might worry that if you aren’t available all the time then he will go off and find another woman who is available.
This might seem like a logical conclusion to come to, however, reality is the exact opposite.
You see, we always want what we can’t have. If a guy figures out that he can’t have you that easily, he ends up wanting you all that much more. He has to now do the work to win you over and gain your affection.
When you are too available, a man doesn’t feel motivated to do much. He knows that he can call you up for a last minute date or switch plans around and you will be flexible around his needs.
Why should he do anything more?
On the other hand, when you stick to your own schedule and refuse to cancel plans with your friends simply because he wants to see you on a particular night, it makes him respect you.
He can see that you aren’t easily persuaded and willing to bend over backwards to please him.
As long as you refuse his request in a polite manner, he has no reason to complain.
So when you are planning dates or setting up activities together, stick to your original schedule and give him options of when you are available. Let him choose which day he wants to make work.
This shows that you stick firm to your principles but are willing to compromise because you do like him and you do want to see him. You just aren’t going to go out of your way to clear your schedule for him.
When you clear your schedule or drop your own life it comes off as needy. A man might enjoy it at first but ultimately it makes him feel like he is the center of your life and that gets boring after a while.
Men really do not want to be the center of your life as nice as it may sound to them at first. They want a woman who has her own life going on outside of them and the relationship.
You should never look to a man to make you happy or to fill up your time. That’s not why he’s in your life.
If you live a full life with friends and activities outside of the relationship, you will never have to worry about coming off as needy. Neediness is one of the most common poisons that will kill a new relationship.
The moment you start giving those things up and becoming too available to a guy he will perceive it as being needy. After all, with nothing else to occupy your attention and focus that simply leaves him to do the job and it becomes a burden.
If you are not yet exclusive with the man that you want, the #1 most important thing you MUST do is to keep your options open. Don’t shut down your other dates or the possibility of finding another man.
You might be thinking, “Well, why should I still go out with anyone else or have any interest in another man? THIS is the man I want!”
When a man knows that he might lose you to competition, it sparks a fire in him that pushes him to chase you if he wants you. A man that really wants you will not let you go that easily.
This doesn’t mean you have to go out and date a whole ton of guys or try to make him jealous. It simply means being open to meeting someone else and being swept off your feet by them. A man needs to feel that sense of urgency that he may lose out on you if he doesn’t start chasing you.
Relationships are about finding balance and you can get yours started on the right foot by refusing to compromise the quality of your life for the sake of a man.
Let him chase you. He wants to do the work and will value you all the more because of it.
With Love,
Nick Bastion
